In my head.. I have not been part of the world for the last 72 hours. Probably since about 6 o’clock christmas day.
I was sat at the dinner table with all my parents friends, parents sat next to me and my little girl by my side and i just thought ‘enough now’. THATS ENOUGH.
All of the lead up to christmas, the stressing and the anticipation all for this one magical day of the year. Okay, we had a beautiful day but when does it end? When the pissed up family member cant stand anymore? When the relatives can’t look eachother in the face anymore after hours of tension and stress?
I just completed dissociated, i stopped listening and didnt want to participate anymore
Since then i’ve been in bed or on the sofa, knitting and trying to keep my mind occupied with a whole heap of shitty emotions
Today ive woken up thinking is today going to be different? Am i going to shower and get dressed?
Now my anxiety has kicked in full steam because new years eve is coming and im supposed to be going to this NY party with my parents and my little girl, when all i really want to do is stay at home, in bed and forget about it