If you don’t understand mental health, if you want to grasp a tiny slither of the excruciating subconscious torture that engulfs a person with a mental health illness, please, slip into the formidable little world that is mental illness.
Imagine watching everyone around you succeed, grow and strive in their lives and no matter how hard you try to scramble to catch up with them, they’re always 10 steps ahead of you.
Imagine being a living and breathing person but you feel like you’re drowning, clutching at your chest, like there’s a cinch around your upper body getting tighter and tighter. Feeling suffocated, like there’s no air to breathe in. Youre struggling to keep your head above the water but you’re just slipping, down, down, sinking lower and lower
Imagine all the definitions for your illness are in your head, you know exactly what you want to say and exactly how you feel but the words are stuck, right there in your brain, trapped to the inside of your mouth and clambering to get out but you just cannot explain out loud to anyone and you look like a ‘attention seeker’, ‘faker a ‘time waster’.
Imagine not being listened to because of something you’ve been diagnosed with, just think about how that might feel. Picture you had a broken ankle, you start to walk and its physically crippling, the pain is intolerable. You’re telling someone about your broken ankle and how you can’t go about your life normally until it heals, then imagine someone telling you ‘its all in your head’, ‘think positively’, ‘take these pills and come back next week’
Imagine having to explain to your friends or family that you’re not coming out today/tonight (for the umpteenth time in a row). Telling your child that it’s too cold for the park today, because you can’t envision even opening the door to the world of ‘outside’. Hiding indoors for days on end. Cutting yourself off from the world and all who live in it
Imagine waking up, just to turn over and go back to sleep again, again and again. Waking up , wishing you had died in your sleep. Waking up to a voice telling you that you’re pathetic, annoying, possessive, not good enough, fat, ugly, too skinny, a slut, a waste of space and don’t deserve to be on this earth.
Imagine hearing a voice, controlling your thoughts, telling you to do things, making you hate yourself, making you see things. You know it’s not real, or is it? You’re not sure and its absolutely terrifying.
Imagine wanting to contact a person you love but then thinking they hate you, that they don’t want you in their life, that they are just ‘putting up with you’. Imagine trying to create a romantic relationship, only to smother the person to the point they walk away or not being there enough emotionally, holding yourself back OR completely throwing yourself at them, to then just decide to split on them, before they hurt you first.
JUST IMAGINE hating yourself so much, you take a blade to your own skin and carve, just to feel something else other than the gripping agony that skulks beneath the surface of your skin.
This is MENTAL HEALTH
This is an ILLNESS
This is REAL