What’s this feeling?

Okay so it’s the first time in a while I’ve felt anything like this.. each day I wake up like normal.. take my tablets and hope I can stay functional

If not then I take my crisis meds, I can take these up to three times a day, that’s if I need them, in case I was anxious beyond coping or doing something social

But this.. this feeling.. I haven’t got a magic pill or a coping mechanism or a fucking skills workbook to understand this feeling..

It’s like I’ve been robbed, but not of something I needed daily.. I was robbed of something I didn’t even know how much I needed, something I neglected and it took him being taken away for me to spring to life and realise there’s a bloody big hole where he used to be and I can’t understand this feel. And now I’m left, just feeling confused and robbed and SO SO fucking angry.

I want to scream GIVE HIM BACK, he wasn’t yours to take, just come back, please, it’ll be okay, we can make things better.. JUST COME BACK PLEASE!!!

What happens now? Now that I’ve been robbed, how do I fill the hole? Do we not have a manual for these things? A CBD or psychological bullshit workbook I can fill in to make it all better again?

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